My Mormon Patriarchal Blessing

Ok so let me see if I can give a quick run down on patriarchal blessings. I don't really feel like finding and quoting references so I'm going to go from the best of my knowledge and memory. Patriarchal blessings are usually given to "worthy" teenagers or young adults. The main purpose of a patriarchal blessing is to give you your ancient lineage, or in other words, tell you which tribe (of the 12 tribes of Israel) that you belong to. They usually include promises of blessings if you live your life in accordance to church teachings. They are given by a Patriarch, a man ordained just to give these blessings or revelations as they seem to be. Much of what is included is very general, some specific, all of which is FAKE. To receive the blessing you must meet with your church leader to make sure you are "worthy" and "ready" to receive this blessing. It's very hard to explain to a non mormon but it's almost as if its looked at a fortune telling blessing you are entitled to. You are not supposed to share your patriarchal blessing, it is supposed to be very personal and private. I however, obviously think it is complete bullshit. That is why I have posted my original blessing below, just to give people an Idea of how assinine they actually are.

Click the images to enlarge and see full version.

Mormons, Polygamists and lots of stupid LDS shit!

Have no fear I have not lost my disgust for Mormonism!! I have simply been too busy with work and school to sit down and write a few things. The ideas have been cooking. I realized I haven’t posted any drafts of the letter template I used to remove my name from the church records. Below is a copy of the letter I used. Keep in mind that it takes months for them to actually get off their asses and remove your membership information. In my specific case it took about 6 months, and I sent 2 reminder letters and one letter threatening legal action. I will also be working at scanning in a copy of my patriarchal blessing. This is a blessing given to either teenagers or adults which is supposed to act as sort of a guide for your life…..not necessarily like fortune telling but kind of. At the moment I don’t have the information but when I have it ready I will post a copy of my blessing along with the official church definition of what a patriarchal blessing is for.

As for those polygamists in TX. Well they are obviously fundamentalist whack jobs, no question about it. My favorite part of the whole saga is that every time I look in the newspaper or TV or anything I always see discussions with Mormons wanting to clarify that they are in fact not associated with the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ. On a technical note sure they might be right, one says “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” and one decided to add the word “Fundamentalist”, same difference in my opinion. They both stem from the same seed. That fact is irrefutable. We all know what bigoted pigs founded the church. Joseph Smith being the key player of course. It is a fact that Mormons still do believe in polygamy in the afterlife. The only reason they ever decided to “stop” practicing it was to expedite statehood, that was the ONLY reason. Well and of course we know that back in those times Viagra wasn’t invented so how was a dirty old bastard like Brigham Young supposed to make love to 40 wives when he couldn’t even get it up??

Hmmmm what else do I have to write about. Oh yes, I remember, at a family BBQ a few weeks ago my all mormon brainwashed uncles and aunts were sitting around discussing church as usual. Somehow I heard someone get on the topic of how we were in the “last days” a term I had heard my entire life, how the millennium would come soon and the world would end or be cleaned with fire and Christ would once again reign on his earthly throne. LOL. Ok so anyways I heard some family members talking about how there were sooo many wars, and natural disasters, and people starving and all these types of calamities happening which certainly signified that “the end was near” I started to chime in and share my 2 cents but stopped myself because I couldn’t remember the exact reference to back up my argument. After a little research I found it. I remembered that somewhere in the mormon scripture of Doctrine and Covenants that Joseph Smith had prophesied the end of the world. In section 130 of the doctrine and covenants Joseph talks about what will happen in the second coming of Christ in verses 14-17 Joseph says he was praying very earnestly when a voice came and told him that if he lived until the age of 85 he would see the face of the son of man. Joseph said he didn’t know whether this mean the end of the second coming/destruction or the beginning or whether that would be when he would die and then he would see christs face. Either way he was dead wrong…lol…no pun intended. Obviously the second coming did not happen when prophesied. Joseph did not live to be anywhere near 85 years old (thank goodness, he did plenty of damage in his short life). So what explanation have we for this mystery?? One mormon told me that since joseph didn’t live till the age of 85 the prophecy is not valid. What do you mean??? A prophecy is a prophecy, fate is fate, in their minds these are things that are not variable, they do not change. Hmmmm, guess that means that he was not a prophet. DUH.

Awesome new quote from Albert Einstein

"The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weakness, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish."

ALBERT EINSTEIN
in a newly published letter